the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
