Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
