I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
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