The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
