i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
