She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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