Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
