Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
