please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
