I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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