i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
