there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
