So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
