If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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