I'm really into asian looking animals
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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