you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
