dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
