one two three fourrrrnication!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
