i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
