She just used a chaser for red wine.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
