it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
