Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
