I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
