Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
