I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
