Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
