I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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