So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
