Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
