Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
