have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
