i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize