can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
