Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
