i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
