And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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