You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
