when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
