We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
