Sober January is a disaster.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
