in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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