i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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