either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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