And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
