Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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