if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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