I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
