it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
