We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
