I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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